Podcast: #14 – Falling down, getting back up again: my journey over the last year

Podcast: #14 – Falling down, getting back up again: my journey over the last year

In this episode

Sometimes life doesn’t go to plan. In this episode, I discuss the circumstances that led me back into therapy, the return of dissociative parts of the personality, and how I’m rising again after being knocked (and literally falling) down.

For the blog post version please click here.


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  • Koren Harris on 29 January 2021 at 9:20 am

    Thank you for your courage and for allowing yourself to continue to be vulnerable. It’s a huge help to see and hear that bravery in action.
    I am so very sorry you’ve experienced such trauma again and I wish you well on your journey back to your more integrated self.

  • Julie on 29 January 2021 at 10:23 am

    Carolyn I am so sorry you have experienced this recent trauma. You are an amazing women to have once again suffered so much and yet be so far on with the recovery. As you say, your childhood trauma, all the research, therapy and journaling etc. have given you the foundation needed to overcome this latest horrific ordeal. Everything we go through in life can be used for positive results if we have a positive overcoming attitude towards it. Note to self – bring this to mind when I am going through it! Thank you so much for sharing this. Healing for you and more insight for us. Much love to you. J

    • Emma Banks on 31 January 2021 at 11:06 am

      Dear Carolyn,
      I’m so outraged at what happened to you. Why is life so unfair for us, it’s often held me back in recovery this thought. I had adult trauma in losing one of my twin boys a couple of year ago. Unfair, traumatic, did we not suffer enough as children?
      But your courage and words have truly helped my recovery, my counselling sessions, my understanding, self compassion. All of your work has helped and I am truly grateful for you. Just as you are. A warrior, a survivor, an inspiration….a kind-hearted soul who deserves all the goodness there is.
      I wish you well on this road of recovery.

    • Gill Brettell on 12 February 2021 at 2:33 pm

      Thank you Carolyn. Once again you show how, even in your darkest moments, you have the ability to share your innermost vulnerability. I wish you well on your road to heal and recover. Sending positive energy & love on your continued journey. You truly are inspirational.

    • Zianna on 23 February 2021 at 10:40 am

      One survivor to another
      One warrior to another
      One heart to another
      Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou Carolyn for rising up and lifting others with you 💖🙌🏻 Your resilience and strength is phenomenal 🙌🏻💖 an absolute inspiration and I have so much admiration for you xxx let’s do this xxx

  • Sally on 29 January 2021 at 11:47 am

    Carolyn, so sorry (and appalled) to hear what happened to you, and then all that followed. What a year you have had. Having to recover from the actions of others, again. Thank you for your courage and willingness to share your struggle and your strength. Your way with words always magnifies your message. May 2021 be so much better for you.

  • Gina King on 29 January 2021 at 12:01 pm

    Dear Carolyn,

    I was deeply moved by hearing your experiences of the last year or so. Thank you for your vulnerability. Your words have a way of resonating and seem to have an imprint on my being. You have helped me in ways you’ll never know.

    ‘Get back onto the horse’. I love that!!! And ‘get off again’, if needed. So yessss… Let’s do this… Together. (Because now I feel less alone)

    Wishing you only well… Joy

    • Carolyn Hughes on 31 January 2021 at 1:44 pm

      Thank you Carolyn for your courage to share your vulnerability, for the compassionate way you share your strength, and for your resilience to share your insights and commitment to pursue your vision.
      I am so sorry you have had to go through yet more trauma. its not fair. Life isn’t.
      What I do know from your work is you don’t shy away from healing and you never stop your journey to becoming whole.
      You have and still continue to help me to do the same.
      Thank you.
      Take care and God bless you and your gorgeous little dog
      Carolyn Hughes

    • Annie on 3 February 2021 at 6:21 am

      Dear Carolyn ,
      your podcasts have been the most … I wish I could find better words…. lovingly helpful of any thing that I have listened to or read on this complicated messy long term personal navigation out of trauma and towards some place of sturdy health and healing .
      I think that as and when as adults we experience more out of the blue traumatising happenings we can lose faith in the narrative of our lives . I am appalled and outraged at the unfairness and violence of what happened to you last year . I am so sad for you .
      I think that this podcast illustrates so beautifully once again for me the way in which recovery is both such a huge effort of work and also such a quiet listening to and a believing in our deepest selves the ones that lie so quietly underneath all the complicated layers of self protection .
      It is from these deepest places, as you so eloquently put it in one of your earlier writings that we just want to heal and that we can, as you are ,be of such profound inspiration and comfort to others .

  • Mandy Watson on 29 January 2021 at 1:38 pm

    So eloquently put. You are an inspiration and a true warrior. Thank you so much for sharing and being part of your journey. You give me the confidence to recover.

  • Vikki Forster on 29 January 2021 at 1:49 pm

    Amazed (and grateful) as always for your courage in speaking out about your struggles this year. I wish this hadn’t happened to you. It’s good to hear your voice and have you back x

    • Susan on 29 January 2021 at 7:14 pm

      Dear Carolyn,
      There is so much I want to say and so much I want you to know, that I cannot for one minute, feel can be done with words. The work thay you are doing, for you, for me and countless others, cannot be understood or appreciated enough. I want so much to be in a world where the pain that you and others and me, feel is allowed. You are creating a bridge to that place and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Please keep going, of course thought if that feels right for you. YOU make a difference.

      • Sharon on 29 January 2021 at 9:01 pm

        Dear Carolyn,
        You are inspirational ❤️ I have no words to convey my feelings about the traumas you have suffered and the way you are. Inspirational does not even begin to describe it but it’s the best I can do at the moment. Thank you

  • Ruth Farthing on 30 January 2021 at 11:08 pm

    Thank you for being vulnerable and authentically you.
    I am so sorry to hear what had happened to you. Dreadful and so unfair.
    And yes I understand what you mean by your childhood equipped you for this present trauma.

    Recovery is definitely the best revenge.

    Please keep going

  • Jodie A on 31 January 2021 at 7:11 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about the rough time you’ve had. Thanks for being there.

  • Jenn on 31 January 2021 at 8:01 pm

    I just listened to your story again… I read the blog last night but couldn’t quite take it all in. Oh Carolyn, it IS shit. All of it, so horrible. But a true testament of your resilience and determination to yourself and those of us who are also survivors. So much of what you said was familiar and you have such an amazing way of articulating the pain- I still struggle to do that with any cohesion or clarity. Sending warmest thoughts as you meander on this new healing journey and as you reconnect with your parts.

  • Frederica Reid on 1 February 2021 at 10:57 am

    I have signposted my counselling colleagues to your website with the assurance that they will find your presentations as much of a treasure as I have found them to be. I love your authenticity and experientially deep knowledge from which you invite us to step up higher in our work with trauma. However, words fail me to express my shock and sadness to know of how you have suffered during last year. Your account of where you have been, stopped me in my tracks. Yours is not just a voice that speaks at us, but a genuine connection with someone real. I truly admire your capacity to emerge from what you have gone through, and trust that your recovery from the recent (additional) trauma will help many others to have HOPE that they too can recover from ghastly adversity.
    Warmest thoughts and wishes for progressively deep healing.

  • Hilary on 3 February 2021 at 8:45 am

    Goodness, what a roller coaster to live through and to hear – thank you so much for sharing and modeling your journey & road to recovery. Carolyn, you have such a way with words that’s thrilling; “the warmness of withness” resounded in my ears. Blessing and strength to you as you pick up the reins of purpose and move onward. Your poetic prose spread light in our troubled world.

  • Karen Williams on 3 February 2021 at 9:12 pm

    I have read and listened I am so sorry but cannot tell you how much I respect you
    I so understand and identify things are beyond hard

  • Katharine Minton on 4 February 2021 at 7:14 pm

    I am so very sorry for what you have been and are going through Carolyn.

    Thankyou so so much for your vulnerability. It is so precious and teaches me a great deal.

    Thankyou for being the standard bearer for the unlucky unlucky ones. You make such an enormous difference.

    I pray that you will continue to take the time you need to heal.
    Take good care,

  • Ayami on 8 February 2021 at 3:40 pm

    Dear Carolyne,

    I wanted to write and express gratitude to you since I read your book Unshame late last year, and how it has been practically helping my recovery process from trauma. I recognized my struggles in every page of that book and, your insights at the end of each chapter taught me the courage, hope, and strong will for the recovery in the way nobody else was able to show me.

    I am so sorry to hear what happened and what you have been going through. Thank you for coming back here again and sharing your journey with us. I am truly grateful.

    • Frances on 10 March 2021 at 11:09 pm

      Dear Carolyn, I was lucky enough to come across your work through my therapist who had been to one of your workshops. I remember just feeling so understood, like I never had before. It helped me not only understand myself but connected me with my therapist again. I remember feeling so excited about what I had learnt, that I looked up your name and discovered this wonderful space of healing resources. I read your books and cried. To imagine that this thing could have happened to you now, this unspeakable act of inhumanity. But you spoke it. Calmly and slowly with all the truth and pain it deserved and with the purpose to help others in the process. You are so inspirational to me. I hope you continue to recover in your own time and a big heartfelt thank you for your courage to share this.

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